


Homeclone

by terma_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-04-01
Updated: 1999-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26536003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist
Summary: Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atTER/MAand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address onthe TER/MA collection profile.CONTENT WARNING A bit of an experiment because I was full of the joys of spring, (and finished tidying my garden). COMMENTS You know those Mulder and Krycek clones you can order over the internet..... Well they are my idea of a perfect toy, so...... here's a bit of totally silly fluff, set in an English village.
Collections: TER/MA





	1. Homeclone

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [TER/MA](https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the TER/MA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile).  
> CONTENT WARNING A bit of an experiment because I was full of the joys of spring, (and finished tidying my garden). COMMENTS You know those Mulder and Krycek clones you can order over the internet..... Well they are my idea of a perfect toy, so...... here's a bit of totally silly fluff, set in an English village.

  
**Homeclone  
by Megaera**

  
Letter from Clone Central Supply Co. of Los Angeles, California. 

_Dear Ms. M. Smith,_

As requested, we are sending you our latest model in Mulder clones. Please expect delivery on 1st April 1999. The built in features you requested have been added to our basic model. Your Mulderclone should be more than capable of performing basic household tasks such as car maintenance and gardening. However, we recommend that you limit cooking demands to more basic tasks. With this model, alas, there is only so much that medical science can do. Cordon bleu is therefore totally at your own risk, and the company must therefore absolve itself of responsibility for any damage caused in your kitchen. He is of course fully functional in all respects. 

Have fun! 

V Brown (Managing Director) 

* * *

Letter from M. Smith, Rivehope Village, England. April 20th 

_Dear Mrs. Brown,_

Thank you so much for the wonderful clone you sent me. He is worth the six months worth of my salary that he cost. The house has never been so clean, the garden is starting to look respectable (a real plus in my neighbourhood, they were always complaining to me about the mess), and the car is running like clockwork. Wonderful. On a more personal level, I'm practically purring these days. You were right about the effect he has when he sticks out that lower lip and pouts. Irresistible. And my, isn't he enthusiastic!!! I shall have to buy a waterbed, the springs on my bed can't take much more!!! The neighbours will be complaining about the noise before long. It's lovely to have a man in your life who does whatever you want. 

Thank you again. 

M. Smith 

* * *

Rivehope Village Council—Notes from monthly meeting. May 13th. 

S.G.(Chairman) May I draw members attention to the newly improved area in the vicinity of Ms. Smith's house. Her new "friend" seems to have really worked hard in tidying up her garden. We may well have a chance in this year's Britain in Bloom contest. We all know that she was responsible for us losing the trophy last year with that disgraceful mess she called a garden. Now it even has flowers and the lawn is mown so precisely, it even has stripes. I think we should all go out of our way to compliment her when we next see her. 

T.K. I refuse, Mr. Chairman. Living next door to her has become unbearable lately. Screaming and moaning at all hours of the day and night. And really, that young man shouldn't do the gardening in such a state of undress, just a small pair of shorts! 

S.G.(Chairman) Please Mrs. K., let's just drop the issue until after the garden competition is over. Besides, you really must be more tolerant towards the younger generation. 

T.K. Alright! But if he sunbathes in those speedos again, I'm going to give them a piece of my mind! 

* * *

Report of Rivehope Fire Brigade May 27th. 

On the evening of May 26th, there was a 999 call made to the Fire Brigade about an incident in 1, Rose Cottage, Rivehope. When we attended, we found that the kitchen was ablaze, and the occupant, a Miss. Smith was in tears outside the cottage, clutching her cat and in a state of considerable distress. Her companion, a Mr. F. Mulder #12475 was heard to yell that it wasn't his fault if he had left the cooker for a few minutes, then got distracted. He only thought he saw an alien shapeshifter, but it was really Mr. Evans the butcher trying to fix his son's bike. He managed to spot his mistake before he spiked him with the screwdriver he found in a kitchen cupboard. Miss Smith then had to be given a sedative by her doctor. The kitchen was badly scorched but no damage was done to the rest of the house. 

* * *

June 2nd. 

_Dear Mrs Brown,_

You were right about the cooking. My clone made a real mess of things in the kitchen last week, and I made him redecorate the place all by himself. He's been brooding ever since, and keeps muttering about a conspiracy of aliens taking over the village. I know you warned me that paranoia was unavoidable in this model, but please give me some suggestions on how to cope. 

Yours, troubled, 

M. Smith 

* * *

June 4th. 

_Dear Miss. Smith,_

May I suggest you pamper your clone a little. We recommend taking him shopping in a big store and letting him buy some very expensive suits. I know it goes against the grain to cover him up, but we find that the urge to preen in this model usually overcomes its other, less desirable traits. 

Yours helpfully, 

V. Brown 

* * *

Police Report of Constable Thompson 

Incident in Rivehope village—June 7th. 

I had occasion to arrest a Mr. F. Mulder #12475 at approximately 2a.m. this morning, when he was found loitering in the vicinity of Mr Evans the butcher's house with no reasonable explanation as to his behaviour. He later claimed that he was sure a UFO had landed on Mr. Evans' large back lawn, and that was the explanation for the charred black circle in its centre. I had in fact attended Mr. Evans' barbecue myself earlier that evening. Mr. Mulder later apologised to Mr. Evans for any distress he might have caused. He has been released with a caution. 

* * *

Rivehope Village Council—Notes from monthly meeting. June 13th. 

S.G. (Chairman) Note to Mr. Evans. Please don't wreck our chances in the garden competition by burning things in your garden like that! By the way, Miss K. have there been any more problems with your neighbours? 

T.K. No. The noise problem seems to be a lot better at the moment. Of course, that poor boy Fox is left at home all day on his own while that thoughtless girl goes out to work. No wonder he has so much time to brood. I've been feeding him some of my Yorkshire puddings and beef stew, he's so underfed in that house. I don't think she can cook, you know. He did want to know if the cows round here were mad at all, did my meat come from Mr. Evans?, and he seemed to have a rather odd interest in the contents of my rubbish bin. And another thing. I don't think he looks comfortable in those suits at all, now that Summer's here..... 

S.G. (hastily) Thank you Miss K. 

* * *

June 21st. 

_Dear Miss Smith,_

We are sending you the latest copy of our brochure. You may note the new line we are offering on page 41. As a valued client, we are offering you the chance to purchase a sample before the rush. We are in fact, in the process of beta testing the new model now, and we can offer you a substantial discount if you are prepared to trial this model for us and fill in a brief questionnaire later. We are sure that we have the model in question virtually perfect now, but if you decide to take up this tempting offer, we must ask you to sign a waiver, absolving the company of all responsibility for any problems you may face. 

Yours temptingly, 

V. Brown. 

* * *

June 24th. 

_Dr Miss Brown,_

How could you do this to me! Do you know what my credit card bill has been like lately! The Armani suit was a shock, but then I had to pay my clone's court costs for rooting through peoples garbage at night and being arrested as a prowler. It cost me a lot of money in fines! And now you want me to spend more on a Krycek clone! Mind you, he does look good. Do you do a black leather, two armed version? Because if you do, I'd be very tempted! To tell you the truth, I could do with a change. 

Yours sincerely, 

Mary Sue Smith 

* * *

June 30th. 

_Dear Miss Smith,_

Yes, we have that model! Are you sure you've got the energy? 

Yours admiringly, 

Vicky Brown 

* * *

July 9th. 

_Dear Vicky,_

Wow! You weren't kidding. Non stop, night and day! And he really looks good between silk sheets too. And you might like to tell your clients what a good cook he is, when I can be persuaded to let him up for air. 

But oh dear, he doesn't get on well with my Mulder clone. They took one look at each other and I knew I was in for trouble. It was like two cats fighting over the same territory. I must admit I kind of got a thrill out of it at first, but I stopped things when Krycek had Mulder on the floor, trying to beat the living daylights out of him. I don't want either of them damaged, so I sent Mulder to the spare room. Oh dear he did pout so! Still, at least they'll be company for each other when I'm out at work. 

Yours tiredly, 

Mary 

* * *

Police Report of Constable Thompson 

Incident in Rivehope village—July 12th. I was called to the butcher's shop of Mr. B. Evans at approximately 10.30a.m. on the morning of July 12th 1999 to investigate a disturbance on the premises. On arriving, I found Mr. F. Mulder #12475 sitting on top of a semi conscious individual who I later ascertained to be one Mr. A. Krycek #7. Mr. Mulder was engaged in beating Mr. Krycek within an inch of his life. I forcibly restrained Mr. Mulder, and first aid was promptly given to Mr. Krycek who sustained severe bruising to the face and upper torso, and two cracked ribs. 

On investigating the cause of the incident, it became clear that Mr. Mulder was the instigator of the incident. Witnesses said that Mr. Mulder appeared to be sneaking about in the undergrowth at the side of the road, spying on Mr. Krycek. I should add that this is a fairly common complaint about Mr. Mulder that residents have. 

When the unfortunate victim went into Mr. Evans' shop, Mr. Mulder became extremely agitated, ran over to the victim and proceeded to beat him severely. He shouted out several times in the presence of witnesses that he knew that rat was involved in a conspiracy and this proved it, consorting with aliens again. When apprehended, Mr. Mulder's only comment was "Mind the suit!" 

Mr. Krycek stated that he had been asked by his good "friend" Miss M. S. Smith to buy her groceries for her, and had gone into the butcher's shop to obtain some steak for their evening meal. Surprisingly, he refused to press charges, maintaining that it was just normal behaviour for Mulder and he was used to it. 

* * *

July 20th. 

_Dear Vicky,_

Oh dear, what have I got myself into. I need advice desperately. The tension round here is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Mulder isn't talking to Krycek. Krycek talks to Mulder only when he wants to drive him out of his mind with jealousy. The two of them aren't getting on at all well. I end up trying to be the peacemaker and I have to spend one night with Alex and the next with Fox to keep the peace. At least they still can manage that. Fox however refuses to allow Alex into the garden or garage, and Alex has placed the kitchen off limits to Fox for eternity. I dread coming back in the evenings, I never know whether the house will be tidy or not. At least when I had just Fox, he could clean the floor without a fight. 

Yours irritatedly, 

Mary. 

P.S. The paranoia is no better, Fox keeps bothering the local farmers, asking if their cows have gone mad lately, and if any of their animals have been abducted by UFO's or been eviscerated in government experiments. 

* * *

Rivehope Village Council—Notes from monthly meeting. August 13th. 

S.G. (Chairman) We can expect the Garden competition judges any day now so keep things tidy. If you see Mr. Mulder around, put a padlock your rubbish in your garages, we don't want him spreading it around on the driveways again. 

L.C. Mr. Chairman, I want to point out that a leather clad man has been hanging round the village a lot. He appears to be a friend of Miss Smith. I really despair of that woman's taste in friends. The next thing you know, the village will be knee deep in bikers. Please tell him to keep out of the way until the judging is over. 

* * *

August 15th. 

_Dear Vicky,_

How do I put this? Well, here goes. You know Fox and Alex have had their problems. Well they seem to have been resolved. From what I can gather, Alex got a bit sick of the constant gibes and decided to do something about it. He told Mulder he would fix those alien problems, just so Fox would know he could be trusted. Whatever he did must have worked, because when I came home, they were so friendly that they were both waiting to meet me, as happy as can be. The two of them had even resolved their differences enough that they were waiting in bed for me - together. I really can't say how happy I am with them now! 

Yours (very) satisfied, 

Mary 

* * *

Police Report of Constable Thompson 

Incident in Rivehope village August 15th. 

I was called to the premises of Mr. B. Evans the butcher on the morning of August 15th. by the milkman, who had discovered signs that Mr. Evans' shop had been broken into by an intruder. However, nothing appeared to have been taken. An act of vandalism had been performed, however. In the middle of the floor, a large pool of smelly green slime had been deposited. In the middle of the said disgusting mess was what appeared to be Mr. F. Mulder's screwdriver, which he had been observed carrying on several occasions. I therefore strongly suspect Mr. Mulder of carrying out this wanton act of destruction. However, since the incident, Mr. Evans has apparently disappeared, and no trace of him can be found. 

* * *

Rivehope Village Council—Notes from emergency general meeting—August 16th. 

S.G. (Chairman) I'm sorry. There's just nothing we can do. It's all over. We haven't a hope of salvaging the situation. We have no choice but to withdraw from the Garden competition. I'm afraid that all the dead cattle in the fields surrounding the village, and the Ministry of Agriculture decontamination squads will see to that. I'm sure we'll be able to try again next year. 

_sighs from members_

* * *

_Dear Vicky,_

How could you do that to me! Selling me two clones that were obviously not suited to live in the same household. No they haven't started fighting again, it's worse! They spend the entire day holding hands with each other, and when I came back from work today, I found that the springs on my bed had finally given up the ghost. Now I know they were alright this morning, so what I want to know is how did they break. The boys just looked embarrassed when I asked them, and said they would fix things. Well that's about all they'll fix this week, none of the housework is done. And the silly old woman next door is complaining about the screaming again. It's just not me doing it! 

I know I wanted Alex as a companion for Fox when he got lonely, but that's not what I meant. And they don't have any energy left for me! I recommend you don't sell the two of them to the same household, there are just too many problems created! 

Yours frustratedly, 

Mary. 

* * *

Dear Mary, 

We are sending you the latest copy of our brochure. You may note the new line we are offering on page 17, our new advanced Skinner model. As a valued client, we are offering you the chance to purchase a sample before the rush. We are in fact, in the process of beta testing the new model now, and we can offer you a substantial discount if you are prepared to trial this model for us and fill in a brief questionnaire later. We are sure that we have the model in question virtually perfect now, but if you decide to take up this tempting offer, we must ask you to sign a waiver, absolving the company of all responsibility for any problems you may face. 

Yours temptingly, 

V. Brown 

* * *

Homeclone   
by Megaera   
April 1999   
E-MAIL [email removed]   
FEEDBACK Always welcome   
RATING PG for suggested m/m m/f sex   
CONTENT WARNING A bit of an experiment because I was full of the joys of spring, (and finished tidying my garden).   
SPOILERS None   
COMMENTS You know those Mulder and Krycek clones you can order over the internet..... Well they are my idea of a perfect toy, so...... here's a bit of totally silly fluff, set in an English village.   
DISCLAIMER Chris Carter and 1013 own the X files. DD and NL own themselves. However clones can be obtained from two wonderful sites at:- http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4951/klone.html for Krycek clones http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Lair/4576/ for Mulder clones   
---


	2. Cruiseclone

  
**Cruiseclone  
by Megaera**

  
Note to Victoria Brown June 16th 2000 

_Dear Vicky,_

I've had an amazing piece of luck. I don't know if you know anything about the English lottery system, but the most wonderful thing happened on Saturday. As usual, I bought a lottery ticket at my local corner shop, and to my amazement, this time I won a bit more than the usual ten pounds prize. In fact, I now have so much money that I don't have to work any more! Ever! I can spend the rest of my life learning to be a lady of leisure, drinking fine vintage wine and dressing for dinner. Even if it's cooked by Mulder! 

Actually, since I bought that Skinner clone, things have been really peaceful around here. The boys don't dare step out of line, he rules the domestic establishment with a rod of iron. The house is always spotless when I get home and dinner is served promptly at seven. Of course, he supervises the cooking personally. And on a personal level, he's so elegant, with such refinement. What a cultivated man he is. In music, literature and art, he seems so accomplished. It's such a pleasure to have a real conversation with a man of taste. The only things Mulder would ever talk about were aliens and conspiracies. And of course Alex did teach me a few Russian swear words. Rich at last. My life is going to be so relaxing. 

Mary 

* * *

Brochure for Caribbean Cruise ship Sea Queen 

Our more refined customer will find the cruise we are offering this summer to be both elegant and pleasurable in the extreme. Our newly refitted liner boasts super king size bedrooms and in cabin jacuzzis. All cabins have state of the art entertainment systems and sea views. Also for your enjoyment on this voyage are a wide range of sporting activities such as clay pigeon shooting and tennis, and there are numerous exclusive designer shops for those expensive little necessities..... 

* * *

Letter to Victoria Brown—June 21st 

_Dear Vicky,_

I'm giving myself a treat in July. I've booked myself on a very expensive cruise, on that big new liner, the Sea Queen. It's the maiden voyage of the ship, and I hear it's far more exclusive than the Oriana. I've decided to take my Skinner clone along, after all, I shall need a partner on the dance floor, on those long romantic evenings. Alex can come too, the thought of him lounging around the pool in tiny briefs is far too irresistible. Since I will need a house sitter, and Mulder is by far the best choice to look after the garden, I shall leave him at home this trip. He can console himself with the fact that he and Alex can accompany me skiing in Aspen next winter. And Skinner will have to take me round Venice in the fall. 

Yours in anticipation 

Mary. 

* * *

Postcard to Mother July 1st 

_Dear Mom,_

Settled in fine. The cabin is enormous. Alex was a little upset that Walter made him take care of the luggage, then iron all of our clothes last night, but a spell of relaxing with a huge Marguerita next to the pool this morning soon made him less tense. I was right about him being beautiful, all of those rich old biddies with poodles and blue rinses in their hair couldn't take their eyes off him. I think he got a kick out of it. Walter wouldn't join us. He said that there was a classical concert he wanted to attend. 

Love Mary 

* * *

Weather forecast—Caribbean area July 2nd 

Weather becoming unsettled. Sea conditions mildly choppy. Some showers possible, 

* * *

Postcard to Vicky Brown—July 3rd 

_Dear Vicky,_

Oh dear. Something you didn't warn me about. The slightest bit of turbulence and Walter is sick to his stomach. The poor man looks positively green. Of course, Alex got his revenge for the ironing incident, and ordered a huge fried breakfast in the cabin. Walter nearly lost the contents of his stomach the moment it was brought through the door. But he was so brave. He brazened it out. Then Alex declared his intention to try squid for lunch, and it was too much for the poor man to take. 

Still fairly happy, 

Mary. 

* * *

Bill for one stained carpet $500 B. Mill (Ship's Purser) 

* * *

Ship's telegram—July 3rd 

ALEX. STOP. LOVE YOU LOTS. STOP. HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING THE HOLIDAY. STOP. 

WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE SINK PLUNGER? STOP. 

MULDER 

* * *

Reply to ships telegram—July 3rd 

THERE'S A BIG CRATE OF HOUSEHOLD STUFF IN THE CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS.STOP. 

LOVE YOU TOO. STOP. ER.... WHY? STOP. 

ALEX 

* * *

Ship's telegram—July 3rd 

FOUND IT. STOP. NO REASON. STOP. HUGS. STOP. 

FOX 

* * *

Letter to Debbie Smith—July 4th 

_Hi sis,_

We're spending Independence Day anchored off the island of Mustique. Walter is feeling much better after his bout of seasickness, and has given Alex a list of chores as long as his arm. He later found it stuffed in one of his shoes. Oh dear. I thought Alex's days of rebellion were over. Ever since Walter found a new and original use for the flat side of a hairbrush, and taught him and Mulder a lesson in manners...... I last saw Alex disappearing in the direction of the swimming pool as if a herd of elephants was chasing him. I do hope he reappears by tonight, it's a party night and we've got an invitation to sit at the Captain's table. He's Russian you know, so Alex will probably feel less homesick if he can chat to someone in his native language. 

Got to run, Walter is taking me ashore to do some shopping. 

Mary. 

* * *

Postcard to F. Mulder—July 4th 

_Babe,_

I miss you so much. I wish you were here and the Boss was at home, he's making my life hell, as usual. I'm _so_ bored, I even got talking to some of the old cows who lie in wait round here, looking for their fourth or fifth husbands. The Poodle Brigade!! I had to be fast on my feet to avoid the wandering hands. M. prefers to go round doing cultural things with Walter and isn't paying much attention to me. Life sucks. 

Wish you were here to hold me. Love you. 

Alex. 

* * *

Letter to V. Brown—July 5th 

_Dear Vicky,_

I'm having a fabulous time, in part due to my wonderful clones. Walter is so good on the dance floor, his Tango has to be experienced to be believed. Oh my. Erotic in the extreme. I think I was a bit dazzled by the experience, because I didn't notice how jealous Alex was getting. He started to plot his revenge from the moment Walter made him wear a dinner jacket instead of his leather one. And the tension was heightened when he met the Captain and found out he was an old acquaintance from Russia. Alex muttered something about being on one of his cockroach infested tin cans before, and flounced off. And when I finished dancing the night away with Walter and returned to the cabin, Alex had locked the door, and we had to spend the rest of the night on chairs in the lounge. Walter had something to say about it afterwards. He asked whether he could borrow my hair brush, but I put my foot down over that. 

Poor Alex is just homesick. 

Love Mary. 

* * *

Weather forecast—Caribbean area July 5th 

Weather front moving in rapidly. Storm expected within 24 hours. 

* * *

Notice posted on public information board—July 5th 

Anyone who knows the whereabouts of the three missing poodles belonging to Mrs. Vandercramp, Lady Scott—Phelps and Mrs. Middleton-Fliss-Harper the Third please contact the Purser's office. 

* * *

Postcard to Ann Jones—July 5th 

_Hi Ann,_

Hope you're enjoying the shopping trip in London. I'm loving every minute of the cruise. With two such entertaining companions, I have the best of both worlds. Walter was fabulous last night, we danced till (nearly) dawn. Poor Walter wasn't destined to have a relaxing day though. The weather is getting worse, so back came his seasickness. I think that maybe Walter and boats don't mix well, so I shall have to rethink that trip to Venice. I felt like I'd been neglecting Alex so I took him to see Titanic the Movie in the ship's movie theatre instead. The poor darling sniffled through the last hour. Then, with an uncharacteristic romantic streak, stood with me on the bow of the ship and watched the sea for an hour. You know! That famous scene when the girl stretches her arms out while the hero wraps his arms around her. Later we strolled round the deck. A couple of the old ladies were there, strangely subdued. You know, something very strange happened to three of Alex's closest acquaintances. Their dogs disappeared in the night. For some reason, Alex seemed to find this very funny. He said that maybe they'd gone swimming. How very odd. 

Yours smugly, 

Mary. 

* * *

Ship's telegram—5P.M. July 5th 

ALEX. STOP. NEED TO KNOW WHERE WATER VALVE LOCATED SO I CAN TURN OFF SUPPLY. STOP. 

SLIGHT ACCIDENT WITH PIPE. STOP. NOTHING SERIOUS. STOP. 

SAY HI TO ALL. STOP. 

FOX 

* * *

Reply to ship's telegram 5.30P.M July 5th 

NEXT TO BOILER IN BATHROOM. STOP. HOW SLIGHT IS SLIGHT? STOP. 

ALEX 

* * *

Ship's telegram—8P.M. July 5th 

SMALL LEAK WHILE I WAS CLEARING BLOCKAGE FROM PIPE. STOP. 

FIXED NOW. STOP. 

GOT YOUR DIY BOOK. STOP. LOVE YOU. STOP. 

YOUR FOX 

* * *

Letter to S Canley—July 6th 

_Hi Sylvia,_

I promised I'd let you know about the holiday. Hope things are running smoothly at work. This is the best holiday I've ever had, even if Walter has been admitted to the ship's infirmary with what turned out to be the worst case of seasickness the doctor had ever seen. Alex is uncharacteristically cheery. He's so sweet sometimes. This morning I went into the bathroom for my toothbrush, and caught him in the shower. He had his back to me and was soaping himself down in long, smooth strokes that were quite beautiful to watch. I must have made a noise, because he turned and gave me one of those knowing little grins of his. The kind he gives when he's showing himself off to an admiring audience. I don't know how it happened, but we just grabbed each other right then and there, and spent the hottest hour I've ever had. Wow. Did I feel good afterwards!!! 

Yours smiling still, 

Mary. 

* * *

Note from Walter Skinner to Alex Krycek—Ship's internal mail July 7th 

Alex, 

You'd better be taking care of our laundry. And don't forget to call in and bring me something interesting to read from the ship's library. And if Mary wants to be taken ashore during the next stopover, don't take her anywhere disreputable!! 

You know what I'll do if you don't do as you're told! 

Walter 

* * *

Report of Ship's Purser—Incident on night of July 7th—8th 

Captain. I regret to inform you that on the night of July 7th—8th, I was called to the Super Curl Beauty Salon. At approximately six a.m., the owner of the business discovered that he had been broken in to. Apparently, the only things that had been taken were a large bottle of blue hair dye, and the shop's entire stock of hair brushes! No fingerprints were found, and the lock of the door had apparently been expertly picked! 

This may be related to a second incident that occurred later in the same night. An unknown assailant broke in to Mrs. Jeremiah Underwood's cabin and violently assaulted her pet dog. The animal was covered from head to foot in blue dye, though was otherwise unharmed. Mrs. Underwood, the Captain may remember, is the lady who has very vocal opinions about most subjects, and has been the subject of numerous complaints of harassment, due to her inability to keep her hands off young men. It may be that she chose the wrong butt this time! But the hairbrushes? The mind boggles! 

Bill Wood—Ship's Purser 

* * *

Postcard to Carol Mills—July 8th 

_Hi Carol,_

We're having a relaxing time on the cruise. I'm enjoying the sun, sea and the good things in life. And Alex has taken up painting classes. At least, I assume that's why he had blue paint on his T-shirt. We went ashore this afternoon and visited the capital of Jamaica. The storm had blown over and the sky was unbelievably blue! We visited some rather colourful places in Alex's search for the "real" Jamaican rum. I do believe we were rather drunk by the end of the trip, but we had no trouble after Alex played some local knife throwing game and impressed people. It was such fun! 

Walter was much better when we visited him this evening, but perhaps he felt left out, because he kept glaring at Alex all of the time. Maybe I should have brought a bottle of that rum back for him. I shall sleep soundly tonight! 

Love, 

Mary. 

* * *

Ship's telegram—6 P.M. July 8th 

ALEX. STOP. YOU DIDN'T WARN ME THAT I HAD TO SWITCH THE BOILER OFF 

WHEN THE WATER SUPPLY WAS SHUT DOWN. STOP. 

THERE WAS A MINOR EXPLOSION. STOP. NOTHING SERIOUS. STOP. 

DO YOU KNOW A GOOD BUILDER? STOP. 

FOX 

* * *

Reply to ship's telegram 10 P.M. July 8h 

FOX. STOP. DO YOUR OWN DIRTY WORK. STOP. 

YOU'LL CATCH IT WHEN SKINNER GETS HOME. STOP. 

HIDE THE HAIRBRUSH. STOP. 

ALEX 

* * *

Letter to V. Brown—July 9th 

_Dear Vicky,_

Things aren't going so well at the moment on the cruise. I was called into the Captain's office this morning to explain myself. Apparently the steward who cleans up my cabin has found some rather incriminating articles there. They think we're a bunch of criminals! And it's all down to Alex! He's been blamed for all sorts of incidents around the ship. Vandalism, drunkenness, theft and kidnapping poodles. I'm so embarrassed. They don't want to make a big fuss because of the bad publicity, but we'll have to leave the ship at the next opportunity. And there will be a horrendous bill to pay. 

Well, at least I can look forward to the peace and quiet at home. 

Yours exhaustedly, 

Mary 

* * *

Bill for damages—S.S. Sea Queen July 9th 

43 hair brushes $300 

1 large bottle blue hair dye $50 

Services of locksmith to change salon locks $200 

Services of professional poodle grooming parlour $400 

Professional counsellor for Mrs. Jeremiah Underwood $500 

Professional cleaning and redecoration of Mrs. Jeremiah Underwood's cabin (to remove blue dye) $2000 

Poodle belonging to Mrs. Vandercramp—"Trixie" $1000 

Poodle belonging to Lady Scott—Phelps—Grand Champion and Cruft's winner Harper Snoffles $10,000 

Poodle belonging to Mrs. Middleton-Fliss-Harper the Third—"Big boy" $1500 plus loss of ten year's stud fees $10,000 

Cost of drinks on tab to A. Krycek #7 $350 

Cost of laundry service ordered by A. Krycek #7 $150 

Cost of special meals ordered by A. Krycek #7 (squid) $50 

Cost of one further hairbrush (extra large) ordered by W. Skinner #19 $3.50 

Grand total $26,503.50 

* * *

Letter to Mom—July 12th 

_Hi mom,_

I've had an exhausting few days. After the humiliating scene in the Captain's office, I had to start packing. Walter had already heard by the time I got to the cabin, and from the sounds of smacking and the yelps, I gathered that he was making his irritation known to Alex. We left the liner at the next stop, and headed for the airport. Alex didn't have a very comfortable flight, he couldn't seem to relax in his seat, and he kept muttering under his breath. I told him it was his own fault, and he would have to pay for the damages those poor people suffered out of his own allowance. 

Mulder was waiting at the airport, and I was very surprised that he and Alex just glared at each other. Oh dear, I hope they haven't had another fight. All I wanted to do is get home and soak in a long, hot bath. 

Ring you later, 

Mary 

* * *

Letter to S Canley—July 12th 

_Hi Sylvia,_

I suppose you've heard. Everyone else seems to have. The explosion in the early hours was heard at the other end of the village. The entire bathroom, kitchen and study were destroyed when the boiler blew up. It's a miracle Fox wasn't killed. And all because he blocked up the sink with bits of burnt pasta from the bottom of a pan, when he was washing up! I told him to order take away meals! At least the flood damage from that incident was obliterated in the explosion. 

After all the trouble, I don't know why he gave Walter such a smug look. Walter frowned suspiciously. Then he gave an evil smile, and produced his new hairbrush from his luggage. Fox went pale. I left them to it. I moved into the village inn and left them all there. 

Yours tiredly, 

Mary 

* * *

Letter to Mom—September 3rd 

_Hi mom,_

Not feeling very well at the moment. Keep feeling sick. Maybe I've caught one of those tropical bugs. I'd better go to the doctor and get it checked out. The workmen are nearly finished with the repairs. I'll call you when you get back from the health farm. 

Love and kisses, 

Mary 

* * *

Letter to Debbie Smith—September 4th 

_Hi Sis,_

Oh dear. I've had a bit of unexpected news, which really came as a shock to me. But not in an unpleasant way. I'm pregnant!!! You remember I told you about that time in the shower with Alex? Well we weren't very careful at the time, and one thing led to another..... 

I told the boys the good news and you could have heard a pin drop for about ten seconds. Then Mulder and Skinner both got goofy grins on their faces and started arguing fiercely over whose baby it was. I looked at Alex, and he looked at me. Then he remembered. He was in shock for a few minutes. Then he gave me a sweet, tender smile, which definitely became a bit wider and more wicked as he watched the others squabbling. The next few months are going to be interesting!!! 

Love 

Mary 

* * *

Cruiseclone   
by Megaera   
DATE April 1999   
E-MAIL [email removed]   
FEEDBACK Always welcome   
RATING PG13 for suggested m/m m/f sex   
CONTENT WARNING Another totally silly piece of fluff.   
SPOILERS None. Sequel to Homeclone.   
COMMENTS Mary now has 3 clones and her problems aren't over.   
DISCLAIMER Chris Carter and 1013 own the X files. DD and NL own themselves. However clones are owner by caring and compassionate owners who pride themselves on treating them with respect. Except when they're naughty.   
---


	3. Copyclone

  
**Copyclone  
by Megaera**

  
Letter from Debbie Smith to Mary Smith—February 25th 

_Hi Sis,_

Hope you're well and nearly ready for the big event. I hope to be nearby in the next couple of weeks, work permitting, and Ill be sure to call in and see you. I hope those clones of yours are looking after you well. Mom said they'd finally agreed on the decor for the nursery, after long debate (and a couple of fights!). Blue, pink or neutral? Knowing your problems, all three colour schemes are probably in use. Hoping to see you soon, I have a surprise to show you, but you'll never guess what it is in a million years. I will tell you that it's absolutely the most up to date thing you could imagine! 

love, 

Debbie. 

* * *

Note from W. Skinner #19 to A. Krycek #7 

Alex, 

Use the cream paint on the walls and be sure to give it at least two coats. Wait a minimum of two hours between applications. And be sure to leave all the windows open, even if it is February. We don't want Mary upset by the paint fumes. And make sure Mulder is kept out. The last time he touched a paint brush, we had to scrub all of the ceiling paint off the kitchen shelves, it was a disaster. I should be back by 7 p.m. at the latest, and I'll be sure to bring the baby book you wanted. Nice of you to take an interest in my baby. 

Walter 

* * *

Postcard delivered to Mr. A Krycek #7 February 27th 

The following books have now arrived in your local library as requested, and await collection. 

The complete Mothercare baby book Dr. Spock's baby theory for beginners The Assassination squad—A. N. Other Gun maintenance and storage—Bill Brown Child care and the rearing of children—A. Milne Inside the CIA—Anonymous The complete novels of Solzhenitsen in Russian 

* * *

Letter from Mary to her mother—March 4th 

_Dear mom,_

I've got such a lot to tell you in this letter, I really don't know how to begin. It all started three days ago, when Debbie arrived unexpectedly, late in the evening. We had been expecting her, but she hadn't told us the date she was coming, so things got a little rushed when she turned up. Alex very kindly offered to give up his bed and sleep in with me, so that she would have accommodation. Then she sprung her surprise on us. She wasn't alone. She'd gone and bought herself the latest model in Krycek clones, an "Ultimate Childminder Model," just for me. She said that he was a present for me to help me cope after the happy event. After all, everyone knew that the original Krycek models were just decorative additions to the home, with a few minor household skills. How much better would it be to have an expert nanny around the house, who didn't mind changing dirty nappies, and knew exactly how warm baby's bath water should be. This model was also guaranteed aggression free. 

I could see that Mulder and Skinner loved the idea immediately, all the hard work would be done for them, and they could relax and enjoy fatherhood. My Alex though, immediately became aggressive. and told the boys he would punch their lights out if they even considered it. Oh dear. I'm afraid that this visit isn't going to be peaceful. I told Debbie that I would tell her my decision at the end of her visit. I love my present model, but his aggressive display tonight really made me think. Do I really think he'll do a good job looking after a baby? Anyway, he was banished to the spare room in the end. 

Love Mary. 

* * *

Extract from Mary's diary March 5th 

_The new Krycek model immediately proved his worth this morning by making everyone breakfast in bed. Mulder and Skinner were captivated, and Mulder wanted to know if he could make other things just as expertly. Alex #5467 just gave a placid little grin and said that his laundry was pretty good if the boys had anything they needed washing. Definitely a hit._

But things got a little nasty when the new clone took my Alex some breakfast. The first I knew of it was when there was an almighty crash from the spare room, and the new clone emerged dripping with food, a fried egg balanced delicately on his head. 

The poor baby was crying, and he had a big bruise across his cheek where my Alex had punched him. Then Alex had demonstrated what he thought of his new double's cooking. Mulder got a tender look in his eyes, and took the new clone away to clean him up, and if I know Mulder, to spend a few hours cuddling and soothing away those big tears that were rolling down the poor thing's face. Mulder can be so kind sometimes. 

Skinner took charge, and for the rest of the day, made that mean clone clean up his mess. And I heard a few yelps at one point as he got stern with Alex. Debbie was a little surprised, and wondered if it was always like this in my house. I'm sure I don't know what she means. Anyway, we're all going for a meal to the local Italian restaurant tonight, so both Alexes will have a chance to make up. 

* * *

Extract from Mary's diary March 6th 

_Last night was one of the more interesting nights of my entire life. I really don't know whether to get mad or not. But something will have to be done about the Alex problem. It's really a worry, I can feel my ankles swelling with the stress of it all._

It was supposed to be a happy meal at the restaurant, with the whole family, including the Alexes, and my sister Debbie. But things went a bit sour from the start. Walter kept grinning at the new Alex because he was so pleased with the way his shirts had been ironed. The seams were straight as a ruler, like you see in the army. And Mulder had his arm round the new Alex all night, and for some reason, kept nibbling his ear and squeezing his waist. My Alex looked like a thundercloud, his face red with anger. I just knew there was going to be trouble. 

The first course passed smoothly, with only a few inaudible mutterings from the far end of the table. Then the waiter brought in the main course, a delectable pasta, smothered in a superb Bolognese sauce. It was a pretty spectacular display, beautifully presented on a huge silver platter, and the waiter shamelessly paused before serving, so that we could admire the chef's creation. The mood was wonderful, soft lighting and sweet background music, entertaining company. 

Quite when it went seriously wrong, I'm not sure. Perhaps it was the way Alex # 5467 snuggled against Mulder, a look of transparent happiness on his face. He doesn't seem to need much to make him happy. Or perhaps it was when Mulder picked up his fork and began feeding the new clone little morsels from his plate, one at a time. Anyway my Alex erupted. He's always been physical, but to fling the whole platter of pasta and sauce at Mulder and the clone must have taken some strength. 

The two of them just sat there, stunned, and dripping for a moment. 

Then, with a yell of outrage, Mulder grabbed at the dessert trolley and began flinging things back at his attacker. You've guessed it! A food fight in an expensive restaurant. And by now, nearby tables had joined in. 

Alex #5467 and I hid under the table whilst the boys fought it out. He gave a tiny little sob, and I couldn't help but give his hand a little squeeze. They certainly gave this model the treatment, trying to make him look cute. For kids, I suppose. Big green eyes, extra long eyelashes, and a hint of a trembling lower lip. 

"Are they always so rough?" he whispered. Then he asked if he could cuddle me because he was scared. How sweet. 

We were helped out from under the table five minutes later by Skinner, after he had thrown Mulder and Alex out of the restaurant. I don't think he knew who to tend to first, me or Alex #5467. In the end, he compromised, and put one arm around each of our waists. I was grateful of the support, and Alex #5467 seemed to enjoy leaning against Walter too. 

Needless to say, Mulder and my old Alex clone were both banished from the house, to the garage and the garden shed respectively. And Walter told me later that they'd had to clean up using the garden hose! 

* * *

Diary of Walter Skinner—March 8th 

_I believe it's an old Chinese curse that states "May you live in interesting times!" It was certainly someone very wise. But I don't think they had domestic chaos in mind. I pride myself on running an efficiently organised establishment, and for a long time, using certain disciplinary measures, I succeeded. If things weren't totally wonderful, at least there was a minimum of friction. Things got done around here!_

It was pure hell yesterday. The house was a shambles and if it hadn't been for that wonderfully efficient clone, Alex #5467, I'm sure I would still be picking crumbs out of the carpet and trying to clean the kitchen floor. Alex #7 and Fox are implacably opposed to each other at the moment, and if they are in the same room together, items get thrown and the mess is just left for someone else to clear up. Appalling! And neither of them listens to me any more. 

Alex #5467 creeps around the house like a little mouse, watching everything with those big green eyes and saying nothing. He doesn't deserve to be blamed for all this, he's only following his design specifications. There's no reason for anyone to be jealous. 

Mary was kind to Alex #5467 yesterday, she let him come to her room to tidy up, and he was much more cheerful afterwards, his cheeks were quite flushed, and he even grinned at me, which is not something Alex #7 ever did! 

* * *

Extract from Mary's diary March 12th 

_Oh dear. Now I know why Alex #5467 is always offering to come to my room and tidy up. I went into the bedroom unexpectedly yesterday, when I needed a jacket, and I found him wearing one of my dresses, about to put blusher on his cheeks. No wonder my make up seems to have been used up at such a tremendous rate!_

I suppose it has something to do with the way his genes were messed around with to create the perfect homemaker. An unexpected side effect. 

He looked so scared that I couldn't be cross, though I did warn him that he could buy his own stockings in future. If it keeps the poor thing happy, I don't really mind. He doesn't do any harm. 

I have noticed that since I gave him permission to use my make up, that he's started to wear a little around the house. A tiny bit of blusher a hint of mascara, not that the Krycek eyelashes need it, and a very pale lipstick. He seems very talented at applying it. Que sera sera! 

* * *

Note to Walter Skinner from Debbie Smith—March 13th 

Wally my dear, when you took care of my washing yesterday, you must have left my new suspender belt in the washing machine. Please can I have it back? 

* * *

Letter from Debbie Smith to her friend Sara Parker—March 14th 

_Dear Sara,_

I'm living in the world's number one madhouse. I want to help my sister in the coming birth, and I bought her an exclusive new clone to help her out. But this is such a madhouse that none of us have remained unscathed. 

To give you an example, the new clone, Alex #5467 has been doing wonders with the housework, taking over from her lazy old clones. He gets on fairly well with two of Mary's menagerie. At least he did. The old Krycek model gets very aggressive, so he's mainly kept out of the way. But yesterday, we all tried to watch t.v. together, though things were tense. Alex #5467 sat in between the Mulderclone and the Skinnerclone, out of harms way. 

It was then that things seemed to take on an edge of the surreal. I distinctly heard Alex #5467 say to the Mulderclone "Do you want to twang my suspender belt?" Needless to say, the Mulderclone was a little surprised by this question, and after opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish a few times, he edged as far away from Alex #5467 as he could get without falling off the couch. Alex #7 had been listening to the conversation, and ended up being kicked out of the room by Skinner for howling with laughter during his favourite show. Mulder had a face like a thundercloud for the rest of the evening. Alex #5467 looked upset, until Skinner gave him a big hug to comfort him. 

Only then did it occur to me where Alex #5467 got the suspender belt from! He must have stolen it from ME! When I pointed this out to Skinner, he said that it wasn't a problem, and he would get it off Alex #5467 later tonight. 

Yours from the madhouse 

Debbie 

* * *

Extract from Mary's diary March 15th 

_Any day now, the doctors say. I can hardly wait. I feel so awkward and lumbering these days, it's going to be a difficult birth, I think. One of those old women who lives in the village told me the other day that my child would probably be over eight pounds in weight from the size of my bump. I don't know whether to be offended or not, but I'm not looking forward to the birth if that's the case. It sounds pretty painful. In fact the thought was so depressing that it quite put the Alex problem in the shade._

My Alex doesn't come to the house much now, Walter chases him away if he sees him hanging around, so Alex pretty much camps out in the garden shed. And Fox ignores him. How did things get so bad? 

Anyway, Alex must have felt more comfortable with the boys out shopping today, last minute little things that men always seem to forget, like a supply of nappies and a big box of washing powder. So Alex sneaked into the kitchen for a quiet read of his library book and a fresh pot of coffee. He has a kind heart, and he came in to ask if I wanted anything. I guess I must have been at a low point, worrying about everything, so I just burst into tears. Then he was holding me, troubles forgotten, and it all came pouring out, how scared I was. He got this fierce expression on his face and held me tight for a while, and told me that there was nothing in the world that could keep him away from me during the birth, and all I had to do was hold his hand and he would keep me safe. I believed him. 

Then he said that afterwards, he would go away if that was what I wanted. We both had a little cry, and I told him not to be silly, didn't he know that I'd choose him over any of the others. He looked kind of surprised at that, then gave one of those sweet, shy grins that I see so rarely these days. 

"Marry me then," he said quietly. 

I didn't get a chance to reply, because in walked Walter and Fox, laden with boxes of groceries. Alex must have felt more cheerful by then, because he grinned wickedly, ruffled Fox's hair in passing and dodged out of the door before they could make him put the groceries away. I've heard of the expression catching flies before, but I'd never understood what it meant until I saw it on Fox's face right then. 

* * *

Note left on garden shed door—Evening of March 15th 

Alex. 

It's been a long time since you touched me like that..... I'd forgotten what it was like, the fun we used to have. I guess what I'm trying to say in my clumsy way, is that I miss the way it used to be. We never laugh any more. We never touch or hold each other, just because it feels good. We haven't really talked to each other since the time of the cruise. Not really. Just a look from you could set my heart racing, but you never bother any more. Don't hate me. I only flirted with HIM because he was so like you, and for a while, I could close my eyes and pretend it was you. And, for once you were watching me and you cared about what I was doing. 

I miss you. I love you always. 

Fox 

* * *

Note left on garage door late evening of March 15th 

Come and see me later tonight. I guess we need to talk. I didn't know how strongly I felt about you until I saw you with him. But I warn you now. I don't do suspenders. Ever! 

Alex 

* * *

Letter from Debbie Smith to her mother March 16th 

_Dear Mom,_

This place is an absolute madhouse. Mary is expecting her baby any day now, and I'm beginning to think she's under a curse. Things happen around her, things that don't happen to ordinary folk like you and me. Not only that, but she has the most bizarre household I've ever visited. Those three clones of hers fight incessantly. Why, only last night, the weirdest thing happened in the garden. As near as I can make out, her old Alex clone has been having some sort of feud with the others. And last night the Mulderclone decided to fight it out with him. It must have been quite a set to. Apparently, the Alex clone slammed the Mulderclone up against the wall of the garden shed, while they were wrestling, and the whole rickety structure collapsed on top of them. The oddest thing is that when the two of them finally managed to dig themselves out, they could both barely stand for laughing, and went back to the house arm in arm, the best of friends. And Mary said that she doesn't mind trying out the new model of Krycek clone, but she really prefers the one she has, thank you and goodbye. 

I can take a hint. The new Alex clone is scared to go near those rough boys, and hides a lot. The poor thing looks quite lost sometimes. I might take him on myself. The Skinner clone has been really nice to him on account of his exceptional laundry skills, and I understand that whenever he needs a boost, he creeps along to Skinner's room and gets his iron out. 

Personally, I don't care for all of that heat and steaminess, and as for starching things to make them go stiff, and adjusting the seams in trousers, I can do without it. 

Love Debbie. 

* * *

Medical notes—Dr Numan—March 17th 

At 3 p.m. this morning a new patient, a Ms. Mary Sue Brown was admitted to the gynaecology ward in the early stages of labour. I've never seen so many immediate family members at a birth before. Three boyfriends and her sister were in attendance, which takes some beating, And apparently, there's a fourth at home! All apparently amicable, at least until the moment when Ms Smith was taken to the labour suite. I was very firm and told the menagerie that only one relative would be allowed in with her to offer support. The patient's sister shrugged and said, "Take your pick!" and I thought the more mature among them, a Mr. Skinner was doing the honours. Then Ms. Smith pointed to the youngest one and said, "No, I want Alex!" and that was that. Mr. Skinner got rather red in the face, but it was too late to object at that point. 

Mr. Krycek was exceptionally gentle and calming with his partner, though I could tell he was quite nervous. He held her hand throughout, and was a great support. It was only at the end that he fainted. Perhaps it was the triplets that did it! Remarkable. The first set to be delivered at this hospital in twenty years, and I gather that the patient had kept the news that she was carrying more than one baby secret, all this time. I do hope they have a large washing machine. 

* * *

Letter of Debbie Smith to her mother—March 18th 

_Dear mom,_

Well it's over with at last. I must say triplets was a surprise. And all of them beautiful little boys with dark hair and the greenest eyes you've ever seen. I don't think there's any question who their father might be. No wonder she doesn't want to part with her old Alex model, he's obviously of high quality! 

The first news we heard was when a nurse wheeled Alex back to the waiting room in a wheelchair. Apparently, he'd had a big shock. Then he told us the news and you could have heard a pin drop for five seconds. Then the other two began whooping and hollering , until the nurse threatened to throw us all out. 

There was an odd little silence though when the Mulderclone and the Skinnerclone saw the babies for the first time. Skinner gave a resigned sort of smile and said' "Why am I not surprised?" He went home soon after that, muttering something about having to get his shirt dirty or there would be hell to pay. 

You'd think that he would want to take it off in that case! 

And Mulder just stared for a bit then said to Alex, "Why did you let me treat you badly for nine months? Didn't you feel hurt when I assumed they were mine?" 

Alex reached out and squeezed his hand and smiled. "Want to get married?" he said. 

I swear. Things get more bizarre in this household by the hour! The next thing you know, they'll all be getting hitched! 

* * *

Parish Newsletter—St. Patrick's church, Rivehope. 

Parish announcements for the week of March 25th 

CHRISTENINGS 

To Alex Krycek #7 and Mary Sue Smith, who had a very happy St. Patrick's day:- 

Fox William Krycek—born March 17th 

Walter John Krycek—born March 17th 

Alex Krycek Junior—born March 17th 

WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENTS 

Our first ceremonies performed under the new non specific gender and group marriage law of July 2000 

Alex Krycek #7 would like to announce his engagement to Mary Sue Smith and Fox Mulder #12475. The wedding is expected to take place in early June. Congratulations are extended to them at this time of double celebration. The best man will be Mr. W. Skinner, and the maids of honour will be Miss D. Smith and Ms. A Krycek #5467. 

* * *

Copyclone   
by Megaera   
DATE May 1999   
E-MAIL [email removed]   
FEEDBACK Always welcome   
RATING PG13 for adult themes and suggested m/m sex   
CONTENT WARNING Another piece of fluff   
CATEGORY English humour   
SPOILERS None   
COMMENTS Mary now has 3 clones and her problems aren't over. Sequel to Homeclone and Cruiseclone.   
DISCLAIMER Chris Carter and 1013 own the X files. DD and NL own themselves. I own Mulderclone #12475—The Ultimate leather shorts gardening model and Krycekclone #400 Feral Alex—who loves acting on his baser instincts.   
Thanks to Czara as always for the support and reading skills.   
Clones can be obtained from two wonderful sites at:- http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4951/klone.html for Krycek clones http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Lair/4576/ for Mulder clones   
---


End file.
